Adventuring with Kids

I think children have an innate sense of adventure and left to their own devices will fill their days in ways that excite them. When I speak about "adventuring with children" I am more looking at the dynamics of partaking in activities that are adventurous for BOTH child and adult. That, for our family gets a little bit trickier and requires more intentionality. 
There is a difference for us between following our children around an amusement park lugging their snacks, waters and discarded coats and doing something we can all enjoy like paddle boarding along the river. Do I enjoy and count it a privilege to watch my kids find absolute delight on a kiddie roller coaster as I watch from the sidelines? Absolutely. But I do not want to spend all of my time with them as a spectator. I want to adventure with them. 
We've realized though that this requires a different sort of effort and mindset because I'm not sure if you've noticed but kids can be pretty self absorbed. 

It takes intentional dialogue and persistence to help kids (at least our kids) recognize that all four of us engaging in an activity and all enjoying it is going to take some effort and compromise. 

Recently we took our kids to the Rocky Mountains. They. Were. Glorious. We were so gung-ho and our first hike was Johnston Canyon... all the way to the Ink Pots. This hike is supposed to be around 3 - 4 hours I think? With kids it took us 6 hours round trip. I'll be the first to admit that it was a wee bit ambitious for the kids first mountain hike. O.K. a lot ambitious. There was crying and there was throwing themselves on the ground and refusing to go on. 

At one point I may have said, " This is like Disney World for mommy and daddy. This is our dream vacation. Quit making it miserable." Ha. 

We were fully willing to stop and take rests. We packed a TON of food and water. Everyone was dressed appropriately. You know what happened every single time we stopped for them to rest? They started scrambling up the mountainside and off the trail. They were not tired. They were bored. We learned so much from that hike. 

Expectations
For me, managing my expectations is a huge part of being able to adventure with my kids. I need to constantly remind myself that we do not always find the same things fun or enjoyable. It is also really important that our kids realize this and that they have a responsibility manage their expectations in some ways and compromise to allow others to enjoy themselves. I also need to in some ways expect that there's a good chance of a meltdown when they are trying something new or challenging and to be prepared to help them work through that. 

Feelings
I was honestly a bit surprised by the magnitude and frequency of BIG feelings when adventuring with kids. I'm not even just talking about theirs, but mine too. There's a little detail that I somewhat failed to consider when imagining grandiose adventures with my kids and it's that "Raising adventurous kids means allowing them to do adventurous things that are outside my own comfort zone." You guys - their comfort zone is way different than mine! What the heck? Who knew? That coupled with their legit lack of experience and understanding of consequence can make for some BIG feelings while we're out adventuring. 

Heights freak me out but they do not freak out my kids. This means I have to process my own feelings, not put my fear on them, and keep them at a safe distance from cliff edges all at the same time. It can be exhausting! It can also mean me having to do things I'm afraid of so I can actually get an accurate sense of the risk involved. Watching them climb a steep hill while hiking can set my nerves on edge because it looks so different from the bottom or the top. When I go up alongside them though the view changes and I see it's actually not such a big deal. 

For my kids fear is seldom the feeling they are processing - it's failure. Or struggling to overcome the "I can't". We've taken them skiing a few times and there were meltdowns about learning how to turn or snowplow or untangle skis to stand up after a fall. Frustration often comes out as nasty behaviour. Again, I need to manage my expectations and set myself in a headspace to help them process through. Sometimes that looks like really calmly walking them through their feelings and teaching them the steps they need to learn. Sometimes it's banning the words "I can't" and matter of factly stating "I'm sorry but if you can not snow plow you can not go up the lift so let's learn this and practice." It may not sound very nice but often when my kids are in a panic and overwhelmed they just need less words and clear expectations. 

Risk Calculations
I want my kids to be able to take risks but I want them to be calculated risks (that aren't actually super risky) lol. There is a low spot on the river where my kids love to play. It feels risky because they get to skip from rock to rock beside flowing water to cross the river and free deadfall, etc. We were there in the winter before the river froze completely and the kids were playing. As they played ships with big pieces of floating ice I observed...
- Low flow (I even check the dam flow rates as it affects the speed of the river. It was at 0). 
- The water was max 8 inches deep where they were playing. 
- The water was very cold. 
- The rocks were slightly slippery
- If a child fell in they would not drown or be carried away but it would be super cold. It would take us 2 minutes to get up the river bank and the truck was a 2-3 minute walk away. In the truck we'd need to remove the wet clothing/footwear and cover with a blanket till home which is a 5 minute drive. 

So I assessed that I was willing to let them risk falling in and I told them that. I explained the implications. One kid fell in. 
Everything went according to my risk calculation (said child only had one soaked boot and leg), there was crying all the way to the truck but they warmed up quickly in the truck. It really wasn't a big deal and they now have an understanding that they should avoid falling in to a cold river (which seems like common sense but one of my children is the king of rationalizing and minimizing my concerns lol). 

So, would I let them play in water in Florida where there were possible alligators? Personally no. But we did take them ziplining over a gator breeding marsh when they were 5 and 7 and it was awesome. 


Persistence/Consistency
My kids have incredible physical stamina. Better than mine for sure. It's however their mental stamina that they need to increase to handle adventuring with the family. This takes persistence and consistency. 
I could hike for hours along the river exploring new things, just enjoying the sun on my face and the beauty around me. My kids not so much. If I chose to whether or not to hike with my kids based on their full cooperation and enjoyment the first few times we hiked, we would have never hiked again lol. Does this mean I'm a harsh task master forcing my children to walk through the woods? I dunno. I honestly don't see it much different than requiring them to do their math every day even if they don't always want to do it. 
Nature is good for them. Physical activity is good for them. Family time is good for them. And here is what I've learned through trial and error, is that if we keep at, if we engage them in the activity, if we work with them to find enjoyment in it, then they grow to love it. 
So, often we just make it a point to do it regularly, even if its just for short spurts. Getting out the door is always the hardest part isn't it? This means that when I deem appropriate I do two things:
1) Tell - don't ask. I'm all about choices but my kids don't get choices about everything. I will inform them that we are going on a hike and to get ready. 
2) Set a small realistic goal/time frame and stick to it. I will tell them that we are just going to hike for 20 minutes to get some fresh air. I will often give them a choice between two areas of which they want to explore. At the end of the time frame I set I check in with them. If they want to go home, we go home. If they want to stay we'll stay. Honestly, 90% of the time they want to stay. 

Boredom Busters
Like I mentioned earlier, most often my kids endurance is affected by boredom rather than by physical stamina. While hiking in the mountains they were SO bored! We had to figure out ways to occupy their minds as walking a trail wasn't enough for them. For my daughter she figured out that if she made up stories and told them she could walk for hours. So she did. My husband held her hand (because she is the second born and has zero fear and walked way too close to the drop offs) and she told him made up stories for literally hours - seemingly without taking a breath. 
We also do things like play 20 Questions or make a list of things they need to search for and find on the trail. 
When it comes to hiking we now take breaks for them to explore and play off the path. I may want to keep moving forward but they really want to climb that tree. We compromise. 

Get Curious
I think curiosity is one of the biggest motivators for adventure. When we cultivate a culture of curiosity in our home we wonder what an experience is like, we are motivated to explore the world around us. My kids can get bored on long paddle board excursions (because it's essentially hiking on water lol). However, when I discovered a wonderland of snapping turtles on a leg of the river they hadn't been on (and was further than they'd ever been before) they were game to do it and they LOVED it! It was a 4 hour round trip (we stopped to play several times) and they captured several massive snapping turtles with their go-pros. Another benefit was that it sparked a unit of study on snapping turtles. 
When you stay curious you'll wonder what's around that next bend, what's at the top of that hill, what lives in these woods, or what it feels like to soar through the air on a zip line. 

Snacks
Always pack more snacks then you think you'll need and water. Always. That is all. 


Nurturing this love of adventure and endurance in our kids is often a lot of effort but it's worth it. Most things worth doing aren't easy. There are so many things that we do together as a family that we all enjoy and I'm so thankful for those times. I'm generally in awe of my 8 year old because she is hardcore! Typically you can only go as hard or as far as your youngest member can handle and she can handle a lot and loves it. (We're not harsh task masters of our children ;) ). They genuinely have learned to love adventure, they love being active and they are SO curious about the world and the experiences to be had. There are blips and bumps in the journey but that is to be expected and it builds so much character and family closeness to work through it together. 

How do you adventure with your family? I'd love to hear!

~ Monique